Grandkids are Revenge on our Children
Unlike most of my generation, I decided to be honest with my son with how it all works. Everytime our kids give us trouble, it adds points to their total; and when they start having kids, we get to start working those points off. I’ve gotten pretty graphic with my son.
“When your kids are about 3, I’ll take them to Toy R Us and tell them:”
‘What, your parents don’t bring you here every week? Why it’s federal law that they do so; they can get into a lot of trouble if they don’t. You need to cry until they do. And these doors, they’re magical. The word ‘No’ loses all meaning when entering this building.’
“Then I’ll spend about $300 on them, load them up with about 5 pounds of candy, let them eat about 2 pounds of it just before I bring them back to you. That’ll be good for about 50 points off your total, out of the 1,863 you now have.”
It really starts at birth: the grandparents show up to ‘help’… and hold the kid ALL THE TIME. Then they leave, knowing full well that the the parent’s won’t even be able to even MOVE like they’re going to put the rug rat down without setting off a temper tantrum; this is worth 5 points off ever single time it happens for the next 10 months and the parents don’t even have a clue.
My kid says when he gets married, he’ll move and not leave a forwarding address. He’ll try to qualify for the Grandparent Protection Program. I’ll find him, though; got to work off all his points before I die.
Points; it’s all about the points.